


A Paladin Walks Into a Tavern

by Xyriath



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: But Shiro wins in the end, Coran is a terrible DM and I'm mad about it, Gay Shiro (Voltron), I Roll to Seduce the Dragon, M/M, Monsters & Mana (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:34:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26572258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyriath/pseuds/Xyriath
Summary: "Monster Manual?  No.  Boyfriend catalogue."—Takashi Shirogane
Relationships: Shiro's M&M Character/NPCs
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25





	A Paladin Walks Into a Tavern

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Prism, the Shiro Pride Zine!

Takashi runs a finger over the soft leather of the boots, a wistful expression on his face.

“The craftsmanship of these is sublime. Whoever made them must be a master cobbler.”

The man across from him, broad and blond and handsome, puffs up with pride at the compliment. “Calen Bow, at your service. Them boots will keep you quiet as a mouse, no matter how much armor you’re wearing.”

Takashi glances up, a delighted expression on his face. “You crafted these yourself, Calen? I’m in the presence of a genius.” The corner of his mouth curls up. “And you must have very good hands, too.”

Calen clears his throat and shifts, a flush forming on his cheeks. “Well, I do my best...”

“No need for modesty here!” Takashi grins. “You know, Calen, I think that I’d like to purchase these boots. How much are they? Along with these bracers for my friend over here.”

He beckons over Thunderstorm, who looks a little bewildered. Calen, however, has eyes only for Takashi.

“Uh, well... seven—n-no, eight thousand gold. For both.”

Takashi tries not to choke at the amount. That's more than their entire funds! With a sigh, he looks wistfully down at the boots, then back up at Calen, a soft, fond smile on his face.

“These will probably save my life, Calen,” he says softly. “But I just don't have that kind of money. Do you think you might be able to discount those? For me?”

Calen swallows, face red. He can't seem to look away from Takashi.

“How does, uh... five thousand sound?”

Takashi reaches out to clasp Calen’s hands in his.

“That sounds perfect. Thank you.”

———

“How is Shiro that smooth?” Lance hissed in an aside; Pidge just snorted.

“If what I’ve heard about him at the Garrison is true? He isn’t. But this isn’t Shiro. It’s  _ Takashi. _ ” She pointed to the little hologram of his figure. “And Paladins have a really,  _ really _ high charisma.”

Even Keith watched Shiro like he’d grown a second head, almost alarmed at the unexpected flirting ability.

“What did he roll?” Allura whispered to Hunk.

“Sixteen,” Hunk whispered back, eyes wide as they all witnessed the exchange, “but his stat is so high that—”

“You know.” Coran glared, eyes narrowed in Shiro's direction. “That man makes a living making these things. You've just threatened his livelihood!”

Shiro just shrugged, scooping up his dice and grinning at the two hologram figures, one handing over gold to the other. “Oh, I'm sure Takashi will  _ absolutely _ make it worth his while.”

———

Takashi holds up his hand as the shadow of a guard passes in front of the entrance to the alley. The rest of the party freezes behind him.

Their target looms so close ahead of them, the mansion rising into the darkness of the night. Takashi’s boots, as predicted, have made the task overwhelmingly easier: where before, he bungled nearly every stealth attempt the party had encountered, now the enchanted leather quiets even the clank of his plate armor.

For once, Takashi thinks, they might be able to break in somewhere without ending up on the outs with the law.

They dart out of the alley, behind crates and barrels, through fences and hedges. Soon, they’ll have retrieved the rightful last will and testament of the Duke of Dwellenda and restore the rightful—

_ Smash! _

Takashi nearly jumps out of his skin, and he  _ does _ jump forward as Block thuds into his back.

And, of course, he lands straight in the path of a patrolling guard.

“Halt!” the man barks, lifting his spear. Takashi immediately raises his hands in surrender. “What are you doing here? This is a restricted district!”

Takashi stares for a moment, frozen with panic—

But he has to protect his party. Otherwise, the widowed duchess will never see justice.

“I know.” He hunches his shoulders apologetically. “I’m sorry, sir. I… I just returned from the border war.” He gestures at the scar across the bridge of his nose. Technically, it isn’t a lie. “I was looking for someone. I thought that…” He clears his throat, looking away. “But I was wrong. He’s moved on. He doesn’t want to see me anymore.”

The guilt does niggle at Takashi, just a bit, but sometimes even a paladin needs to lie.

And—it  _ works. _ The guard’s expression softens, and he offers Takashi a consoling smile.

“That’s awful. I’m sorry to hear that.”

Takashi nods his agreement, stepping forward out of the alleyway. The guard lowers his spear, eyes flicking over Takashi as he comes into the light.

“I shouldn’t be surprised, but I’d hoped he might wait.”

“Hey, if he didn’t wait, he’s the fool,” the guard declares. Takashi offers him a dazzling smile.

“Thank you.” He tilts his head, watching the guard. “I don’t suppose, then, that you know anywhere nearby that I can drink away my sorrows? Maybe even meet someone new?”

The guard’s eyebrows shoot up, and he glances over his shoulder.

“My shift is actually up in a few minutes. If you’d like me to… show you myself?”

“I’d like that, I think. Takashi, by the way.” He extends his hand.

“Syl.” The guard accepts it. “Let me show you the way?”

Takashi shakes, stepping closer with a smile. “I would definitely like that.”

As the two of them walk away, Takashi risks a glance over his shoulder. The rest of the party has wasted no time in hurrying along on their mission.

Takashi smiles to himself. He’ll see them tomorrow.

———

Shiro stretched, leaning back in his seat as the narrative continued on without his character. While the thought of the group managing the mission without Takashi left him a  _ little _ worried, Pidge had botched her stealth roll so badly that the odds of something that unfortunate happening again were… minimal. They were getting all of their terrible rolls out of the way before it mattered.

He hoped.

Coran continued to narrate, fixing Shiro with a stink-eye the entire time. Shiro, of course, ignored it, standing and cracking his back, pacing to stretch his legs.

Still, the rest of the party retrieved the will without incident, meeting back at their inn. Takashi, of course, was nowhere to be found.

———

As the session ended, the holograms flickering off, Coran whirled on Shiro with a glare.

“You cannot,” he snapped, mustache bristling, “seduce every NPC I create!”

Shiro glanced up, blinking. Atlas thrummed in the back of his mind, never terribly pleased when someone yelled at Shiro within her confines. He offered her a thread of reassurance.

“I haven’t been seducing  _ all _ of your NPCs,” he said mildly. “Not even close.”

Coran’s eyes narrowed. “Every  _ male _ NPC, then.”

“I don’t see why not.” Shiro scooped up his dice. “It’s a game, right? I’m having fun doing things I never could in my everyday life.” It had been, what, seven, eight years since he’d last been on a date? Heading a starship didn’t leave too much time for romance.

“My question is,” Allura asked, visibly amused by the exchange, “why narrate it if you don’t like it? You’re the Lore Master, right? You don’t  _ have _ to allow it.”

Coran and Shiro exchanged a significant glance. The others hadn’t been around, thankfully, when they’d set up Monsters and Mana to run on Atlas’s systems. Coran had, predictably, been frustrated with Shiro’s choice of class and attempted to kill off his paladin within the first few minutes of their test game.

But Atlas hadn’t understood. To her, in this dangerous environment, Coran had “cheated” the rules of the simulation and put “Shiro” in danger.

Shiro  _ probably  _ could have tried harder to convey that such actions weren’t a real threat, but why push things?

“He rolled fair and square,” Coran muttered, looking away. “I’m only following the rules.”

Shiro let the statement stand. Even a few moments of being mistaken for an internal threat by Atlas had been punishment enough for Coran.

Still, Shiro had no doubt that this was what this entire mess was about. Atlas wouldn’t let Coran bully Shiro out of being a paladin, so Coran fought back in… other ways.

Let him try, Shiro thought grimly. No cosmic force in the universe could stop his crusade.

———

“I saw you last night, Takashi!"

Takashi’s head snaps up, eyes wide. Calen stands in front of him, arms crossed, lips pressed together.

“What?” Takashi asks intelligently, blinking his bewilderment.

Calen reaches out and snatches the potion out of Takashi’s hand, eyes filled with anger and hurt.

“I’m not as much of a fool as you seem to think me. If all you’d wanted was a  _ discount _ , I—you shouldn’t have—some paladin you are!”

———

Shiro turned to Coran, an exasperated expression on his face.

“Seriously?”

Coran sniffed haughtily. “You failed your perception check last session. Calen saw you leave the tavern with Syl.”

Shiro pressed his lips together in a pout and rolled his eyes. To Coran’s credit, however, this—while underhanded—was at least a valid setback.

“I reach out to take his hand.”

“Roll for dexterity.”

———

Calen lets Takashi take his hand, though he doesn’t look terribly happy about it.

“I’m sorry, Calen,” Takashi says quietly, running his thumb over Calen’s knuckles. “This was my fault for not realizing your feelings for me. I’m always going off on adventures, always putting myself in danger. I know that the chances are high that I might never come back, and I don’t want to put someone through that—or demand exclusiveness in their absence.”

Calen watches him warily. “So you’ve done this before.”

Takashi offers him a crooked smile. “In a manner of speaking, I suppose. I’m not accustomed to anyone wanting anything more than a fling from me. I never realized.” He lifts the hand, pressing a kiss to Calen’s knuckles. “Do you  _ think _ you could ever forgive me?”

———

Silence settled over the room, and when Shiro glanced around, the entire group was staring at him.

“What?”

“You’re terrible,” Pidge said flatly, the first to regain her speech capabilities.

“Hey!” Shiro crossed his arms in protest. “Coran is the one who’s been complaining about Takashi’s flirting. Why would I expect one of his characters to be at all interested in actually dating mine?”

The party glanced around, nodding to each other in a reluctant admission of the sense of his words. When Shiro snuck a glance at Coran, his expression left Shiro with the sneaking suspicion that Coran hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“Roll for persuasion,” Coran grumbled.

Shiro scooped up his dice with a grin, then sent it rolling. As he added the numbers, his grinned widened.

“Twenty-five.”

For just a moment, Shiro thought that the vein in Coran’s temple might well and truly pop. But Atlas had her rules, and Coran didn’t dare break them.

And besides, this was war.

———

After Calen, Takashi makes sure to be more cautious of who he flirts with and, more importantly, how. Their conversation had ended with the two of them friends, Calen realizing that Takashi had been right: the prospect of worrying every time he left home on an adventure was not a life Calen particularly wanted. Others, however, might not be so understanding.

That doesn’t mean he  _ stops _ , of course. After two weeks in the wilderness tracking down and slaying a vicious basilisk, he can’t wait to visit his favorite tavern.

As he steps into the Floating Weblum, however, something seems… off.

“Takashi!” the bartender declares, beaming at him from underneath a bushy orange mustache that clashes horribly with his brown hair. “It’s good to see you again! What’ll it be?”

Alcohol seems… unwise at the moment, so Takashi tries to smile.

“Just water. But thank you, Jex.”

A chuckle comes from beside him, and he turns to see a rugged man smirking flirtatiously at him… and sporting the same bushy mustache as Jex. “Well, that’s not interesting at all.”

“Uh…”

Takashi glances around.  _ Oh. _ Jex and the other man aren’t the only ones: every single man in the tavern sports the same orange mustache. What the—

“I’ll say,” another man chimes in, sauntering over to sit on Takashi’s other side. “You look like you’ve just got back in town. Why not have a little fun? With all of us here, I’m sure we can find someone you like.”

Takashi isn’t sure how he knows that; in fact, the entire scenario has left alarm bells ringing, especially as more customers of the tavern congregate around the three. Many of them wink and grin at Takashi, and while normally he would delight in the casual flirtation, Takashi can’t help but feel as if something so much bigger, so much more ominous, is happening here.

———

“He can’t know that!” Coran protested. “That’s metagaming!”

Shiro managed a brittle smile, rolling his dice between his fingers. Hoisted by his own petard, he supposed.

“Of all the people to be complaining about metagaming, Coran, you are not it.”

Coran simply shrugged unapologetically.

“That’s got to be the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen,” Hunk whispered loudly to Lance.

“Tell me about it. I’d run away so fast.”

“So, Shiro,” Coran asked innocently. “How do you respond?”

Shiro tapped his metal fingers on the table, watching the holograms consideringly.

Then he lifted his eyes to Coran, a faint smile on his face.

———

Takashi arches an eyebrow, pitching his voice to be heard throughout the bar.

“You know, I like a man who shaves.”

———

One very good persuasion roll and a very annoyed Coran later, the entire tavern seems to have contracted the services of a barber.

———

Things settle over the next few weeks. Even months. Takashi’s personal life takes a backseat to his true work, helping others and defeating monsters.

Their reputation grows. They save a city. They gain the favor of a ruler. They make themselves well-known across the land.

They’re sent to slay a dragon.

It’s to be expected, Takashi supposes. A universal rite of passage for adventurers.

But no one seems to quite be able to provide a satisfactory answer for why it needs to be slain. Flyovers are frightening and a potential cause for concern, yes, but as far as actual deaths, the only ones Takashi is able to confirm are several sheep and a couple of cows.

Though the rest of the party seems eager to proceed with their quest, Takashi resolves to get to the bottom of things before allowing things to progress too far.

———

“Okay. So, if we sneak in through the tunnel the villagers told us about, we should be able to launch an attack and get in at least one attack round before—”

“No.”

Lance, along with the rest of the group, turned to stare at Shiro.

“What?”

Shiro crossed his arms, leaning back with a pensive frown. “No. I don’t want to attack this dragon. Not without provocation.”

“But we have a quest to kill it!” Pidge protested.

“But why? Because people are scared of him? We haven’t heard any stories of him actually hurting  _ people. _ Think about it like a mission for Voltron. Would we be starting a fight with someone without any evidence?”

“But he’s a  _ dragon _ ,” Allura protested.

“Yeah,” Lance agreed. “Aren’t we supposed to slay them in general?”

“Just because someone is a certain species,” Keith shot back, “doesn’t make them evil.” He fixed Lance with an annoyed glare. “We should listen to Shiro.”

The rest of them nodded their agreement. Shiro snuck a glance at Coran, who watched them all with an inscrutable expression.

Shiro nods back at them.

“I approach the mouth of the cave.”

———

Takashi approaches the mouth of the cave.

The rest of the party hangs back, though Thunderstorm follows a little closer behind, blade ready.

But if all goes well, Takashi won’t need any of their help.

“Dragon Kierveros!”

A roar from above, and Takashi jumps as a giant shadow blocks out the sun.

The dragon shakes the ground beneath Takashi as he lands, ominous black coils of the sinewy body shifting in a way that looks infinite. A gray mane frames the deep black, almost feline face of the reptile, and it has what look sort of like  _ whiskers _ , one on each side, shading brilliantly through what seems to be every color of the rainbow.

A majestic creature, Takashi thinks to himself in awe. Even beautiful. And they’re to kill  _ this? _

It bares its teeth in a hiss, but Takashi stands his ground.

“My name is Takashi Shirogane. I've come to speak with you.”

The dragon's eyes narrow, and it rumbles, “Speak? Is that what you call it, with your allies and your weapons? This is my mountain. I see  _ all. _ ”

Takashi lifts his chin, relieved that he'd made the others stay behind.

“Then you'll see that they are of no threat to you right now. That I'm here alone, and with no blade drawn against you. That I come to you with pure intentions.”

The dragon huffs, eyeing Takashi suspiciously, and the smell of sulfur drifts through the air. He trots in a circle, a gesture of agitation, but then sits with a thud.

“Speak.”

Takashi nods, finding his own rock to sit on.

“There have been... concerns, from the humans nearby. They sent us to handle it, but I wanted to speak with you instead of fight, since I’m not in the habit of condemning anyone to death without a proper hearing.”

Kierveros scoffs, as if to make it very clear what he thinks of Shiro’s belief that he could win in a fight.

Shiro won’t allow himself to be ruffled.

“Their concern is that you’ve been threatening human settlements, stealing human livestock. Causing a danger outside your domain.”

The dragon scoffs again. “Of course I have been taking livestock. Is that not what you humans call a fair trade?”

Takashi raises an eyebrow. “A fair trade for what?”

Kierveros simply turns and heads into his cave, flicking his tail for Takashi to follow.

———

“So.” Shiro crossed his arms, leaning back and feeling  _ very _ proud of himself. “The dragon was only angry that people were stealing his treasure, and that’s why he’s been causing trouble? And what about this conclave he mentioned he belonged to? I’m sure they would have reacted  _ so _ well if we’d fought—or even killed!—Kierveros.”

The rest of the group exchanged glances. They didn’t say anything, but the silence said enough.

“You weren’t supposed to find that out!” Coran slumped back in his chair, sulking. “Not yet, anyway.”

“You set us up to fail.”

The protest, finally, came from Allura, the hurt audible in her voice. Coran sputtered.

“Well that’s not— I didn’t mean— You would have gotten amazing loot!”

“At the expense of hurting an innocent dragon? Yeah, right!” Hunk glared. “We don’t want to be bad people!”

Coran reached up to grip his hair in frustration. “Yes, I know! Quiznak, I know! You’re all always so good and pure and I wanted something more  _ exciting _ for once! Something darker! You always do the right thing! I had a  _ six-phase _ battle planned, and you—” He pointed at Shiro. “You ruined it!”

Shiro shrugged, sipping easily at his drink. “I was just staying in character.”

Coran slumped back, glaring. “Fine! I’ve had it. This is my last session. After this, I  _ quit. _ ”

Protests sounded through, but Coran determinedly ignored them, staring down Shiro. “Anything you want to do in your last moments?” he asked, voice tight. “Should I just have you roll persuasion again, like you always do?”

Shiro shrugged, picking up his dice, and rolled as requested. He looked up, expression unreadable.

“That’ll be a natural twenty.”

Coran sagged, looking defeated and tired.

“So?”

Shiro finally let a grin spread slowly across his face.

“I would like to seduce the dragon.”

———

Kierveros curls up on his pile of treasure, rumbling his contentment as he invites Takashi to sit within his coils. And Takashi does, marveling at the strength and warmth underneath him. He offers Kierveros a soft smile.

“You know, Takashi,” the dragon rumbles, “I’ve never met a human like you before.”

Takashi only laughs, setting his weapon and shield aside and settling back on the smooth scales.

“And I’ve never met a dragon like you, either.”

———

“So,” Lance sighed, picking at the corner of the table. It had been a week since Coran’s resignation, and though technically their party no longer had a Lore Master, they had still met up again out of habit. “I guess that’s it, then? The adventures of Pike and his faithful sidekicks are over?”

“Sidekicks?” came a quiet voice—familiar, but Shiro couldn’t quite place it. “That’s not what I saw in  _ my _ re-watches. Thunderstorm Darkness has done almost all of the work in your last few fights.”

Lance whirled as Ryan Kinkade stepped further into the room, expression mortally offended, and the rest of the group tried not to laugh. Shiro had always liked Ryan’s sense of humor, particularly how it seemed to show up at the most unexpected of times. He grinned over at Ryan.

“You’ve been watching our games? I didn’t know anyone was that interested in them. But whatever you enjoy, I guess.”

“Watching and learning. It seems to have similar rules to Earth games, and I thought I could work with you guys on mixing the two…”

Shiro blinked. “Mixing? Why?”

“There are some features that I think could be improved on if I’m going to be—what do you call it? Lore Master?”

A murmur of excitement from around the table.

“Oh, you’re going to join us? How delightful!” Allura clapped her hands. “But how…?”

Pidge snorted. “You really think, with my brother, with my  _ family, _ I don’t know everyone at the Garrison who plays Dungeons and Dragons? Dad’s too rusty, he said, but I mean, Kinkade makes movies, so…”

“Not yet,” Ryan corrected modestly, “but I like to think I can tell a story. I’ve put together some ideas that I think will fit in with what you’ve been doing. Pike, I saw that you wanted to quest for a powerful weapon…”

“Yeah, Coran said no  _ way— _ ”

“And Block, you and Meklavar wanted to search for that ancient city of forbidden technology?”

Hunk perked up. “I thought that technology wasn’t fitting for a high fantasy setting?”

Ryan only smiled faintly. “And Valyune, did you have anything in mind for your search for your family?”

Allura shook her head, looking delighted. “Anything you’d like would be fine!”

Ryan nodded. “Sounds great. I can’t wait to get started.”

The group eagerly helped Ryan get set up on the system, exchanging excited glances at the prospect of continuing to play. Once he settled in, he reviewed his notes, then glanced up at Shiro.

“So, shall we start with your very charming and handsome dragon boyfriend? Who, as I understand, has shapeshifted into a very charming and handsome man. Do you think he'd be taller than you?” Ryan mused.

Startled at such immediate cooperation, Shiro glanced over at Pidge. She only smirked back.

Shiro turned back to Ryan, a smile playing on his features as he thanked Takashi’s deity patron for his luck.

“I think we shall.” He tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling, considering. “And... yeah, let's make him tall.”


End file.
